I'm not doing it.
The deadline for applying to St. Thomas sailed by. I hadn't had a chance to get the materials to my references, et cetera, because I got sick with Norovirus. (I won't elaborate. You don't want the details -- trust me.)
So I set my sights on getting ready to apply to Acadia -- and promptly got the flu. Again -- stuck in the house (this time with no voice) for several days. And I began to wonder if the Universe was trying to tell me something.
So I took a look deep inside and asked, "Do you really want to work as a teacher?"
And after a while, a little voice replied, "Not anymore."
And I felt relieved. No leaving my husband to go study. No massive student loan again. No worrying about getting a teaching job to pay off that massive student loan, especially since I know a number of fine new teachers who haven't been able to get a contract in several years of trying.
It was like I gave myself permission to finally put that to rest. I suddenly realized that my childhood dream of being a teacher wasn't dead, but that it had already been fulfilled. I was a substitute teacher for ten years, and while some substitutes are just paper-pushers, I was given opportunities to teach and I actually taught. And I made a difference in a number of kids' lives. That was the dream, and I did it. I was a teacher. I may teach again -- crafts, or creative writing, or maybe even develop a travelling space show for schools -- but I have absolutely no desire to be a classroom teacher anymore.
So I got thinking, and I remembered how excited I'd felt when I applied for a library assistant's position at the university last fall -- and how devastated I'd been when I didn't even get an interview. I've always loved libraries, from the time I stamped and shelved books at the circulation desk in my junior high school. I even worked at Acadia's library when I was there doing my BA all those years ago. I love to read and I love to write, and books have been among my best friends and journeys. I would love to work in a library again.
Armed with this epiphany, I started poking around on the net to see what I could find and there it was: the Library & Information Technology program through the Nova Scotia Community College. I would be able to do it online, so no leaving Hubby. The tuition and fees are also significantly lower than doing a B Ed, so no massive student loan hanging over my head (just a little one).
Although the university library would be my dream placement of course, there are plenty of other libraries and archives where I could work as a library technician. Even the local hospital has a library. I could even work in the public school system, come to think of it.
Applying for the B Ed didn't feel right. This does.
I'll keep you posted.
4 comments:
The universe knows even when we don't. Things happen for a reason - even illnesses. Something greater than you or I was looking out for you even in the dark of illness. The revelation that your goal has already been accomplished is spectacular!! Congrats on your accomplishment and congrats on listening to your inner voice and the universe!! Happier, healthier times ahead!
Isn't that such a sense of relief ... when you come to that insight! Good luck with the libraries! It really sounds like a very sensible decision.
Funny how sometimes you have to say yup before you can get to nope. I think it was brave of you to actually look the opportunity in the eye, toe-to-toe, and decide it wasn't worth it.
And, hey -- that library idea sounds kinda neat.
Good luck! I'm doing my MEd. online now and it's not too bad - just go to Halifax for a month 2 summers in a row and the rest is all from home in my jammies...
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